Joke No 1: The Perfect Husband.

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on
a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and
began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather

coat. It’s only  3 ,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure…go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005

models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: ” 300,000″

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing … The house I wanted last year

is back on the market. They’re asking  850,000″

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will

probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really

is a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at

him in astonishment, mouths agape…..

He smiles and asks:

“Anyone knows whose phone is this? ” __._,
 

Humor No 2:

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly
woman.

 He approached her and asked, “Mrs.Jones, do you know me?” She
responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you
were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me.

 You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t
the brains to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

 The Lawyer was stunned.

 Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
“Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?”
 She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster too. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem.
 He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated
on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him.”

 The defence attorney almost died.

 The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and in a very
quiet voice, said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I’ll throw you in jail for contempt.”_.___

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