The Boss Sign

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read: “I‘m the Boss!” He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: “Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

Heart Transplant

A fellow walks into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, “Can I help? Have you lost something?” “No,” says one of the doctors. “We’re about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we’re looking for a suitable stone.”

Investment Advice

A financial planner suggested to a wealthy client that he should invest in a circus. The client expressed great surprise at such an unusual recommendation: “A circus? Why on earth should I buy into a circus?” The financial planner replied: “Because of the elephants.” The client, puzzled even more, then asked: “The elephants? What is the connection between circus elephants and investments? The financial planner asked : “Well, do you know how much it costs to feed an elephant? The financial planner explained: “ Well, neither does the Taxation Commissoner.”

Get into Heaven

Saint Peter starts asking him all the usual questions required to get into heaven. The accountant, it seems, has repeatedly helped people cheat on their taxes and embezzle funds. Finally, in exasperation, Saint Peter asks, “ Well, have you ever done anything good, anything totally unselfish and altruistic in your entire life?”. “Well, says the accountant, “ Once I saw this pretty lady being beaten up and about to be raped by a bunch of bikers. So I yelled “ Hey jerks, why don’t you pick on somebody your size and I then kicked all their hogs over, all six of ‘em, and took off running. They forgot about her for a second and she managed to run also”.”

Saint Peter asks, “I ‘m looking through the book of your life, and I don’t see this incident recorded. When did it occur?” The accountant replies, “About five minutes ago”

Paying in Advance

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.“Oh, about $200 today.” Said the rancher. “ But in six years, it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.” The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. “Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.

(Source: MIA)

If you found this post useful, keep updated with future posts by subscribing to FMAccounting (for free) through RSS or email.

Related Entries

• Financial Planning as One of The Key Finance Roles (Part 1)
• Lying to Your Mother